• 2018,  BabyA2012,  Grieving Mom

    I don’t know…

    It seems insurmountable most days. How is this my life….for the rest of my life?  There is no escaping this reality. It’s not going to “get better”. It can’t be fixed. It can’t be forgotten. I will forever have a son who now only lives in my heart and throughout our memories. There is going to be years of experiences and moments where I think “Noah would have loved this”, “Noah should be right there”, etc. I’m sure there might even be times where my mind wanders and sees him forever my 6 year year old. As this school year started, the excitement I usually have is gone. I just don’t…

  • 2018,  BabyA2012,  Grieving Mom

    Once upon a dream

    I know you, I walked with you once upon a dream I know you, that look in your eyes is so familiar a gleam And I know it’s true that visions are seldom all they seem But if I know you, I know what you’ll do You’ll love me at once, the way you did once upon a dream   This morning after your sister woke up at 5am, I went back to sleep and for the first time you came to me in my dream. It wasn’t until the end but we were living in Stellarton, my house was on the main street not far from where my Gram…

  • 2018,  BabyA2012,  Grieving Mom

    12 weeks

    It’s *only* been 12 weeks today. It feels like an eternity. We’ve been missing you more this week. It seems to be a common trend. Each week the pain, the grief, the missing you grows and grows. I think my mind is still trying to protect my heart from the reality of it all even though there is no escaping it. This has been the longest 12 weeks of my life. I’m dreading the back to school rush and excitement. I want to be taking your picture in front of our purple door and watch you excitedly go to school. I just still can’t comprehend you are gone. You should…

  • 2018,  BabyA2012,  Grieving Mom

    Day 57

    I hope you didn’t suffer. They say you didn’t. I hope you didn’t know what was happening. They suspect you had no idea but without a reason we will never know for sure. I hope you only felt all the love that fills this house and constantly surrounded you and drifted peacefully off to sleep. It haunts me that I wasn’t there. That your Dad wasn’t there. We were completely unaware what was happening in our little house. It haunts me and will forever. After everything how did we not at least get the chance to hold you and surround you with love for your last minutes. It wouldn’t have changed anything…

  • 2018,  BabyA2012,  Grieving Mom

    incubus

    See that? See that line or shadow in the circle on my bedroom ceiling? It might be hard to see in the photo but it’s not hard to see in person. I was laying in bed staring at the ceiling one day after Noah passed and my eyes fixated on this spot. I began to wonder what it was. Where did it come from? How couldn’t I ever have noticed it before? It is on “my side” after all. Right above my spot really. Then it hit me. Like a Mac truck. I *know* what it is. I’ve had similar lines throughout my house in the last 6 years. Sometimes on…

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