• 2018,  BabyA2012,  Grieving Mom,  reflection

    My words for Noah

    I could have written for hours. For days. There was so much I could say and that I wanted to say but I settled for what I needed to say. I wish I could have read these words out loud myself but most of the time now I can’t even open my mouth to speak. The tears just flow. My eyes hopefully telling every one what I want to be saying when my actual words are failing. Sorrow. Torment. Love. Thank you. One week ago today I was crawling out of bed to start our usual morning routine when everything came shattering down around us. I still don’t think it…

  • 2018,  BabyA2012

    Overwhelmed

    The word of the day is overwhelmed.   Overwhelmed with emotional torture. Overwhelmed with the physical pain. Overwhelmed with the support. Overwhelmed with love. Overwhelmed with life today.  

  • 2012,  2018,  BabyA2012,  family

    I’m going to be raw here. My boys aren’t sleeping well. They are afraid to go to sleep. They are afraid they aren’t going to wake up. They need someone with them and even when they do manage sleep they are restless and frightened and sad. How do I comfort them and make them understand that sleep won’t hurt them when all they know is Noah went to sleep and never woke up?! My poor kids, who also loved Noah with every inch of their being, are struggling with managing emotions that I, as an adult can’t even comprehend and explain. This is the absolute worst pain I could feel…

  • 2018,  BabyA2012,  family

    Noah 💕

    It’s with the heaviest hearts we must say that our beautiful Noah has passed away unexpectedly in his sleep this morning. John and the EMT tried everything but were unable to save him. We are shattered. The last 6 years and 2 months was not long enough. We wanted more. We needed more. We thought we had more but that wasn’t the plan and our lives will forever be missing the years we didn’t get. But the years we did get were amazing. Sure it seemed daunting and some times was really hard but it was worth it. It was worth every.single.second. He had the best life and felt love…

  • 2015,  BabyA2012,  Pics,  reflection

    Motherhood

    3 years ago I took this photo. It turned out to be my most favourite photo I’ve ever taken. It’s a day I’ll never forget. I was past my original due date and I was still in the hospital hoping and praying I’d be home sooner than later. I was done with this surprise. I was done being separated from my family. I was done pumping behind a curtain. I was done having nurses, Doctors, residents, therapists, social workers coming through the door interrupting a nap/a phone call/lunch/cuddle time/a rare quiet “me” moment. I was done. All I wanted was to cuddle my newest son and be left the frick alone.…

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