2007,  random,  reflection


Whoever said Saturdays aren’t meant to be productive must not know what they are talking about. Ok, if someone took a look at my day it wouldn’t look overly productive. But it was. I learned a lot today.

I learned that my cold has moved to my eye.

I learned that I have little to no patience this weekend.

I learned that I (we) are not ready for children. Not by a long shot.

It actually makes me feel better. We have been worrying about not being able to afford kids and whatnot then I go out in public where there are kids EVERYWHERE. And I’m not ready to have that chaos invade our house.

I deal with kids everyday and I love them as though they are my own. I cuddle them. I redirect them. I reinforce them. I dance and sing with them. I play soccer. I listen to them laugh, scream, talk, cry, and take tantrums. None of that bothers me. I love my job. I love my friends’ kids. I feel empathy for them and want to help them whenever I can and to my best ability.

However, I realized that I would go INSANE if this is in my house. Kids crying and throwing tantrums and just being kids for over 3 hours while I was sick waiting to see the Dr. It’s almost like Hell on Earth. I just wanted them to shut it. I just wanted them to stop using fake cries. I wanted their parents to stop turning a blind eye.  I didn’t feel sympathetic for their cries, I just wanted them to stop. I looked around and you could tell who the parents were and who the ones were longing for that….we were not part of that group. We sat silently playing our cards and hoping for the incessant noise to stop. I feel guilty for saying it. Maybe it was worse because I was tired and sick, but I really don’t think so. I didn’t have that “look” others had about it all.

I have never looked forward so much to returning to my empty house that looks like an A-bomb went off.  And I didn’t have to clean it because I didn’t want to.

John and I were able to sit down and watch HNIC in peace.  We were able to sit around cursing like sailors and drinking alcoholic beverages and had nothing else to worry about. Nothing else to attend to. It was pure bliss for that moment in time.  I don’t think I’m ready to give that up yet and that is a-ok. I’m only 26.

ONLY 26.

Who thought I’d ever utter those words.

I spend most of my time saying “how old” I’m getting.  But in reality, I’m not old. Maybe a generation or two ago I would be old and people would be wondering but, it’s 2007 and it’s acceptable to wait to start a family. I love that people can now move at their own pace and not have to feel societal pressures that previous generations may have/probably felt. I am going to embrace these years as our own and one day I’ll welcome the chaos into my home. But until then, my friends can keep having children, I can play with kids at work and then go home to our quiet life. Maybe feel a twinge of parenthood every so often but in the same breath, feel relieved.

So that was yesterday afternoon realizing I’m only 26 and that isn’t old.

But come last night, our tune changed. We went out to a local pub and the music was great and everything was just as one would ask for. But around 1 or 1:15 we became tired, really tired. What happened to us!? We stuck it out until the last song, but it’s not like the previous years. We felt old. We were watching the clock almost and thinking about what is going on in our lives that we can’t go out and give’r like we used to. It is now our running joke. We were old fogies last night. What a day. Oh to be 19-20 again. HAHAHAHHAHA
So yea, that’s what I learned today. It is very productive, wouldn’t you say so!?

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