I’m sitting here watching Grey’s (Season 3…Season 4 starts a week from tomorrow) and a feel the urge to write. I need to blog, but I don’t know about what. My fingers are just going to go where they want. I have so many thoughts running through my head and Grey’s has just been connecting with me. It’s weird. It’s making think of so many other things and feel so many things, I guess I’m going crazy. Are the connections there or am I just making them because I don’t want to feel alone. ?!
I’m pretty sure it’s the latter. That lost feeling is surrounding me again. I feel old. I feel young. I don’t want to be old. I don’t know what I want. But at the same time, I’m not lost. I know where I am, who I am, and when I feel lost J always reminds me and pulls me back. Makes me remember those things I may be forgetting about myself…
But some days I wonder if I’m in the right profession. I love my job…but is it right?! Does that make sense?! Probably not. But it’s how I feel. I can’t even describe it.
I don’t know what is, my patience is lacking with some of the kids but I know it’s probably not showing (at least I hope it’s not). I rarely feel like loosing my patience at work and now it seems like it wants to happen more frequently that I ever could imagine. But why!? It’s not like they are doing anything different, they are just being kids and doing their kid thing. Testing boundaries. Testing patience. Testing my love for them & vice versa. I would do anything for these kids and I can’t imagine doing anything else but why do I still feel this way.
Why am I feeling like something isn’t right? Am I just looking for something to match my thoughts, to validate myself, or is it my subconscious trying to tell me something. How do I ever figure that out…how do I ever answer my own question…
Oh man, this is one of my favourite Greys… “Christina” is such a great actress and one of my favourite scenes (next to the scene after Burke leaves her). Oh how my mind wanders. It’s going to be a huge tearjerker for me for some reason. Christina & friends relationships remind me of Carli & myself. I’m so the “Christina” of our relationship! Bahahaha.
Maybe it’s just what I need…a good cry.
A really good cry.
I miss my friends.