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Losing my juices…

Posted by on April 11, 2007

I’ve been feeling rather uninspired these past few weeks…as you can probably tell with the slow down of posts, and meaningful posts at that. I haven’t ‘blogged’ in a while…it’s mostly been games. Oops. Don’t get me wrong games are fun (or else I wouldn’t do them) but I need to get back on the creative side and use this for it’s cathartic purposes….

I don’t know what’s been lacking in my brain…it’s just not there anymore. I’ve seemingly lost my mojo. (lol) Could it be stress? Could it be I don’t have time? Could it be I just don’t care? Could it be I’ve fried every last cell in my brain? Who knows. I just miss spilling my guts, ranting, filling in everyone about our goings on, etc etc.

I really think it all comes back to the same thing I constantly bring up…work and the lack there of. I’m putting my resume out but it’s come to the point where I’m either going to have to stay in Fredericton without John and work here or move elsewhere. I just have a feeling about Moncton. Being born in Stellarton, NS is not helping me….we didn’t learn French until Grade 4/5 and that was just basic words, nouns, and phrases. “Real” French didn’t begin until grade 7 and by then it’s too late. It’s too hard to care about when you are 13 and your mouth muscles are already stuck and prone to English. lol It was rare we had a “french” French teacher either…that made it even harder. Everything now says French, oh sorry you can’t speak French, our successful candidate needs to be able to converse in French, etc etc. It’s hard enough finding work, but even harder when you don’t have one of the skills they are seeking. Damn, not learning French (not for a lack of trying…I took it through to grade 12 and 1 course in University).

But honestly, I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how I could manage being up here alone and whatnot. I immensely dislike Fredericton and being up here by myself for 4 months makes me want to vomit. Dane & Meghan will be gone, Chris will have graduated and John will be working 60+ hours a week. It would be rough. Not exactly how I pictured spending our first married summer. I hate the distance thing…yes it’s only 4 months…yes it’s only 2 hours to Moncton….but still when you can’t be with someone 2 hours is long enough. I couldn’t handle sleeping alone every night. Plus there are sketchy people here and I would have no one to save me when I need savin’. lol Ok, enough about that overdone rant. I apologize.

It’s finals time once again. I can’t get motivated. I did so well on Monday but yesterday….NOTHING. I did nothing. I have a big final 9am on Saturday. I have no classes anymore so nothing is stopping me but I’m sure I’ll find a way to get nothing accomplished once again. I do have an eyebrow appt (they have gone wild) and a contact lense fitting appt. today. So that’s going to serve as a big distraction too. It can only be as big as I allow it…and lets be honest here, it’s going to keep me off track almost all day. (lol)

Easter weekend came and went and I’m sad to report it was just like every other weekend. We didn’t even get motivated enough to make a ham or turkey. No chocolates either (although I’m the one who said no to that. hehe). We did get a lot accomplished class wise and just to spend some quality time together was just what the Dr. ordered. I wish we could have went home…I haven’t been to NS since Jan/Feb but John can’t travel that far yet without his foot/leg getting sore. It’s uncomfortable. Hopefully we’ll be able to start traveling distance soon.

I’m going to try and make it to Hali for a day or so soon. That will be a much needed break and escape from New Brunswick reality. There is a shower or a birthday that I would like to attend. lol It’s hard because we know we have to be back in Fredericton for Monday, April 30th so I doubt we’ll go anywhere until that is all over. Traveling Moncton-Hali-Freddy-Moncton all within 2-3 days sucks so we probably will try to work it out for a more convenient time. But, life happens and we may not be able to go either. Gas is friggin expensive and we have to get our beloved Charles back on the road…that’ll be a feat and a hit to the pocketbooks itself.

The maintenance guy is supposed to be coming today to take a look at our window so we can get it fixed. Over the window it started separating from the frame which is now separating from the wall. It’s putting moisture inside our walls, which is never good, and warped our closet door enough that it’s not closing. This is the 3rd time John has asked them to come…this time they sounded serious but Mr. Maintenance man always has a different agenda. They get upset he doesn’t show….but they don’t fire him…this is a constant thing…maybe they know they don’t pay enough for the job and he’s the only one who will do it…who knows. However, for their sake they better make sure he comes. If not, John will be livid and will follow through on his plan he told them about. Put it in writing with a deadline and give a copy to them and to the rentalsman. If it’s not done, the rentalsman will step in and get’r done. Bah. I hate landlords taking advantage of a university town filled with students. :@

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