2008,  AB,  friends,  random,  reflection

Erica Hahn says it best

I don’t make friends easily. I’m awkward and am bad at small talk and generally don’t like people I don’t know… but I made friends with you and now you have this thing……I don’t make friends easily.

This quote is brought to you by Erica Hahn (ok, I’m a dork. Quoting a tv show…but whatever I’m still awesome) but I could be heard saying this. This could have been easily said by me.

Everytime I watch that episode and hear that “speech” at the end, I can’t help but relate. It makes me feel better about myself and my lack of social skills. Well, I do have social skills but for people who don’t know me…my skills are lacking.

I do suck at small talk. Heck, I’m not that good at small talk with friends, let alone ‘strangers’. And I typically don’t like people I don’t know. I read their “vibe” and can decide whether or not I could be friends with that person.

First impressions are everything.

As bad as it sounds, I don’t like to put forth the effort with people I could never be friends with or get a ‘feeling’ from. It seems like a waste of my time. I do try not to be rude. I’m not usually rude, unless they are rude to me first…then all bets are off. But really, I think that being nice and inviting and saying you’ll do things that you don’t ever intend to do (i.e. go out for coffee) is RUDE. Plain and simple. Why bother saying it at all. Why not just let it be. You could just continue chatting without making fake plans. It’s rather two-faced if you ask me. And that’s one thing no one could ever accuse me of…being two-faced.

And as bad as I am at making friends and small talk…as sad as I get that I’m friendless and alone out here…I can still be happy and proud that I have remained myself. I am who I am. It may mean I don’t have many friends but the ones I do make are lifetime. I like to select who I allow into my life, instead of every Tom, Dick, and Harry being aware of all my inner-workings. But by being selective, I get a great bunch of lifetime friends instead of a big group of right now friends who wouldn’t help me bury the body if I ever killed someone. That’s right, I said it. My friends are the type who would help me bury the body if I ever killed someone. They are the ones who would tell me to my face that I’m being an unreasonable bitch. They are the ones who would be sitting right beside me in my jail cell saying ‘wasn’t that fun’ after a night of tom-foolery.

So by me being selective and socially awkward in new situations, it allows me to make great friends. Extraordinary friends. Not just acquaintances.

I just have to keep reminding myself of that when I’m feeling down that I’m not making friends as quickly as I’d like.

There is a subconcious method to my madness. (But is it subconscious now that I have become self-aware…hmmm)

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