This fourth year without you has been extra awful. If there was ever a time a girl needed their mother, it’s been this last year for me. I can’t even explain how heavy my heart has been and how heavy it’ll continue to be. If you were here I know you’d be walking this heartbreak with me. Truly with me, even with our provinces divide. But, I’ve found myself navigating this inexplicable loss and wondering what you might have said or feeling your warm hand between my “chicken wings”.
But with all the loss of the past year, I haven’t forgotten you. Your greatest worry after passing was being forgotten and I remember.
I remember your strength and resilience in the face of adversity and devastating loss.
I remember the silent moments on your bed (probably watching CSI) after I left home and was back visiting.
I remember the epic disagreements we had while I was growing up and we struggled to understand each other.
I remember how much I loved your spaghetti. Your scalloped potatoes. Your Gingerbread with sauce.
I remember your fierce loyalty to your friends.
I remember how strongly you loved.
I remember how deeply I felt heartbreak when I felt you take your last breath and in the days, weeks, months, and now years after.
I will always remember throughout my days and especially on November 11.
Missing you, always.