• 2018,  reflection

    6 3

    Happy Birthday Mom. I have really missed you even more than I thought I could in these past 3 weeks. I like to think you’re watching over, maybe cuddling that sweet baby of ours, maybe eating chocolate cake with boiled frosting and listening to Johnny Reid. I pulled out ingredients to make cupcakes for you today but for some reason I just couldn’t do it. I put everything back away and just went downstairs and melted into the couch. I made sure to tell the kids it was your birthday today, even if we didn’t have cake I wanted them to know. I did make them Rice Krispie squares and…

  • 2018

    11 days later

    and it’s felt like an eternity but gone by in the blink of an eye. So let me tell you about the last 11 days. John took the week off work (went back yesterday). As soon as we found out what happened he told his boss he wasn’t coming in for the week. He took on the kids needs for the week and tried to make sure I had those days and times to heal physically. I know he was is hurting but he put it all aside for me so I could stay in bed a little later in the mornings and to take it as easy as I…

  • 2017

    Don’t let the door hit you on the way out 2017

    I’m seeing every one sitting back and reflecting on 2017 and what will be in 2018 and I don’t even know where to start. You see I thought I was going to be making a different post to end 2017 and start 2018. In late October/early November we found our dream house. We weren’t actively looking but we happened upon it and fell in love. It was perfect. So we tried to make an offer but they wouldn’t accept one conditional on the selling of our house but we decided we would list and pray everything would fall together. It didn’t. Someone bought it as our agent was drawing up our…

  • 2017,  reflection

    An angel in the shape of my Mom

    I have had so much anxiety about today. I have felt it building as this day grew closer and closer. It’s an inexplicable feeling I don’t wish upon any one. I went to bed last night remembering how 3 years ago when I woke up we were going to have to have our final goodbyes. My cheeks burning with tears just as they did that night and many, many days after. Just as they are today. So much I haven’t been able to share with you. So much advice I haven’t been able to get. So many back and forths over trivial things no one seemed to care about but…

  • 2017

    My hiatus is over.

    I’ve been away from the from the writing, journaling, blogging yet again. This time it’s because I made the choice this past year to focus on me and fixing me. I’ve finally decided that I can’t do it all myself and be super Mom without checking in with professionals and working through my baggage. I was officially diagnosed with PTSD. Yes, you can have PTSD from being a medical parent. No, it’s not just for soldiers. I knew for a long time that was what I was suffering from but I thought I could over come it or it would go away in time or if I avoided it long enough…

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