• 2017,  reflection

    An angel in the shape of my Mom

    I have had so much anxiety about today. I have felt it building as this day grew closer and closer. It’s an inexplicable feeling I don’t wish upon any one. I went to bed last night remembering how 3 years ago when I woke up we were going to have to have our final goodbyes. My cheeks burning with tears just as they did that night and many, many days after. Just as they are today. So much I haven’t been able to share with you. So much advice I haven’t been able to get. So many back and forths over trivial things no one seemed to care about but…

  • 2017

    My hiatus is over.

    I’ve been away from the from the writing, journaling, blogging yet again. This time it’s because I made the choice this past year to focus on me and fixing me. I’ve finally decided that I can’t do it all myself and be super Mom without checking in with professionals and working through my baggage. I was officially diagnosed with PTSD. Yes, you can have PTSD from being a medical parent. No, it’s not just for soldiers. I knew for a long time that was what I was suffering from but I thought I could over come it or it would go away in time or if I avoided it long enough…

  • 2017

    Past words of a loved one

    I stumbled across Mom’s old blog tonight. I was using my old computer and it was one of my few bookmarks and I clicked it and was surprised it’s still there. I found myself re-reading her words and missing her. Then I found this post from July 2011: I read this poem today and I’m not being morbid but it expresses what I wish for as well. Please don’t mourn for me I’m still here, though you don’t see. I’m right by your side each night and day and within your heart I long to stay. My body is gone but I’m always near. I’m everything you feel, see or hear.…

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