2019

What I wouldn’t give…

Today I took all the kids to the grocery store to grab our weekly run and since it’s Easter break they all had to go. Some might think that’s crazy but we did a Costco run yesterday and it went so smoothly that I felt the need to challenge the universe again I guess.

Today did not go as smoothly. I felt frazzled by the end. My kids were basically feral (in my eyes any way). The older women were smiling in my direction and commenting on my many helpers and polite conversation.

The woman behind me in line was packing her groceries along side of me and asked how I was making out. I responded in kind to say something like, “pretty well. It could be worse.” *laugh*

Her innocent reply stopped me dead in my tracks and took my breath away.

“Well, you could have 4 running around outside the cart like I did.”

Frozen.

Awkward laugh and polite agreeing response I can’t even recall right now.

I know she meant well. She’d had no idea how those words might cut. But they did. The burn and sting that it left me with as I was packing up the last of my groceries.

This time last year I did have 4 running around outside of the cart.

I should have 4 running around creating chaos outside of the cart.

Instead I have 3 earthside and one sleeping in his car seat and what I wouldn’t give to have 4 and 1 in his car seat.

Innocent moments like this sometimes hurt the most because it reminds me there are people who don’t and won’t know that piece of me and my heart and will never know Noah’s existence and greatness first hand. *sigh*

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