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I’m in a very pensive mood tonight

Posted by on January 31, 2007

Today was my day off and my mind has been doing a lot of wandering. A lot of free associations and random thoughts…but maybe they aren’t as random as I think they are. So I’m going to let my fingers do the typing and see where they end up while I sit here. 😉

Do you think there are coincidences in life? Are there such things as accidents? Are we just blindly walking through the paces that are laid out before us? I do believe we have choices and those choices make us who we are and where we end up but are the choices really ours? Maybe we just think these choices are ours and that gives us comfort. I do however think there is so much more to us than just our physical existence. Take solace in whatever that means for you. I know I do.

Life is a battlefield but it’s supposedly done to facilitate personal growth. There is probably a better way sometimes to teach me something and give me a life lesson than to be so ‘in my face’ than it is sometimes. I just want to be able to take a walk down easy street sometime. That would be nice. I honestly believe that I am now strong enough, can’t get stronger, so these little life tests are starting to get to me. They bring me to a place I don’t want to be nor go back to. I’ve grown and matured and know more than I should about life I swear. I don’t know where I’d be if I didn’t have my family and met the love of my life.

That brings me to another thought. Seriously, I’m married? Go away wit’ya. I honestly never thought in a million years that I would be married. Let alone be so happy (most of the time). I struggle to realize how on earth someone can handle my quirks and bitchiness on a weekly basis. I don’t want to say daily basis because I need to give myself more credit than that. Heck, it might not even be weekly but that’s just how it feels to me. I know I must be a hard person to live with but he never complains. Not once. When the tough gets going, he doesn’t start running like others. It astounds me that he is able to take me and my life and everything else that is involved in stride and somehow look to me with more love in his eyes than the minute before. How did I get so lucky?

Do I deserve it? I would to think so. I would hope so. Sure, I’ll take ownership…I do deserve it, damn it!

Life is a ride and I am fully enjoying even though it has had bumps and curves and sharp turns. Living it with no regrets. I have no intention of going to the pearly gates being well put together and attractive…I’m going to arrive disheveled with candy all over my face with the biggest grin and completely worn out screaming “YAHOOO! Now that was a ride!” No sense holding back now, might as well just give’r!

This is all why I think we are spiritual beings having a human experience and not humans having a spiritual experience. 😉

2 Responses to I’m in a very pensive mood tonight

  1. laura

    Wow, that was random. Congrats for sticking that out and following along. It almost confuses me now that I’m reading the next day…I was all over the place! LOL

  2. John

    well life is a ride and im here for the long haul with you till the end. For all the little stops along the way…and I will never walk away.

    john

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