I’ve been focusing on me and my little fam jam this month. That meant I had to step away from my most active social media platform. I was too invested in things. I couldn’t ‘not read’ the comments. I see memes/false information that my “friends” and strangers comment on and then think “why are these people even on my friends list?” But, for the sake of being nice I left them but I don’t need to have every old friend or acquaintance and I was starting to spend more time angry and on the verge of tears than feeling happy when trying to see updates from the people I care about. It was just too much. Social media shouldn’t stop me from feeling happy with my life and shouldn’t cause me to lash out at my kids because words of people who don’t have importance in my day to day life have taken my patience. My kids deserve that patience that social media has been picking away at me the last 2-3 months, maybe even the last year or more.

January was a rough month in every way and leaving it all behind for a short time felt like something I had to do. All I know is I’ll eventually be back and I will be doing a huge purge. Just because I may share a past or a common bond doesn’t mean they need to be privy to my life any more. This has been a long time coming. If I spend more time hiding comments and images or ranting to John about what I’m seeing then that’s a sign I need to move on for my own sanity. And maybe they need to some self reflection and realize they are on the wrong side of history or are racist/mysogynistic/ignorant/homophobic or all of the above and fuck man, that’s not cool.

There’s also people who have hurt me (some times more than once) and for some reason I added them or let them stay. That needs to change. That will change.

I’m creeping up on 40. I’m not in High School any more. I am not the vulnerable, insecure woman I once was and I’m reclaiming my safe place.

~~Cara Alwill Leyba~~

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