Now that I’m not a nanny I’m no good?! WTF ever. I have no time for these goings on. It’s just what I’m feeling. I was only good for you when I was “of use.” And of use has many different meanings in this particular case. I just thought you were better than that. I thought you were more than that. I thought we were more than that. Just strange vibes.
I had the conversation I needed today about other weird vibes. A great friend put my mind to ease and told me to forgot all that other stuff. What she said made sense. I wondered why I never thought about that on my own. Smart friends I have. Just cared for vibes.
As I sit here I feel alone. I have people all around but I feel alone. So much swirling around in my noggin. Too much if you ask me. It causes a great divide. It causes self-doubt, which will eventually manifest itself in other ways. I strive to avoid that. I will avoid that. I just may need some help. Just blah vibes.
I need to practice what I preach. I just find myself doubting again. I just find myself being really hard on myself. Where is the self-admiration? love? content-ness? Why do I look in the mirror and see something I’m not. Well, what I’m told I’m not. Why won’t that go away? I want to stand tall and proud of the chubs around the mid-section I’m sporting. I’m not fat and I know this…far from it. Why can’t I be proud of these battle wounds? I need to refocus on me and take care of me too. Just been too busy to take care of myself vibes.
What to do when you live in a shoe….save up your loot and buy a bigger boot?