2007,  rants'r'us


Now that I’m not a nanny I’m no good?! WTF ever. I have no time for these goings on. It’s just what I’m feeling. I was only good for you when I was “of use.” And of use has many different meanings in this particular case. I just thought you were better than that. I thought you were more than that. I thought we were more than that. Just strange vibes.

I had the conversation I needed today about other weird vibes. A great friend put my mind to ease and told me to forgot all that other stuff. What she said made sense. I wondered why I never thought about that on my own. Smart friends I have. Just cared for vibes.

As I sit here I feel alone. I have people all around but I feel alone. So much swirling around in my noggin. Too much if you ask me. It causes a great divide. It causes self-doubt, which will eventually manifest itself in other ways. I strive to avoid that. I will avoid that. I just may need some help. Just blah vibes.

I need to practice what I preach. I just find myself doubting again. I just find myself being really hard on myself. Where is the self-admiration? love? content-ness? Why do I look in the mirror and see something I’m not. Well, what I’m told I’m not. Why won’t that go away? I want to stand tall and proud of the chubs around the mid-section I’m sporting. I’m not fat and I know this…far from it. Why can’t I be proud of these battle wounds? I need to refocus on me and take care of me too. Just been too busy to take care of myself vibes.

What to do when you live in a shoe….save up your loot and buy a bigger boot?

One Comment

  • shannon

    i’m sending u my content vibes, cause thats what i’m feeling right now…nothing too extreme in any direction, just content that fate will guide me. Hopefully you will find contentness too, if only for fleeting moments.

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