• 2013,  rants'r'us

    *sigh*

    Let me step off my positive pedestal for a minute. It’s one of those times where I feel like I failure. Like I am failing N. I feel like I’m not doing enough and he’s just falling further and further behind. And it’s my fault. Realistically I know it’s not my fault but I like to tell myself other things sometimes. I see all these kids making strides and hitting new milestones and we are here, where we’ve always been with some regression. And it leaves me to wonder, is it my fault? If I did more, would he do more. I know…complete nonsense but it’s how I feel at…

  • 2013,  rants'r'us,  reflection

    I want to be Mom

    and only Mom. I forget how to be “Mom” now. I’m a physical therapist, speech language pathologist, vision therapist, occupational therapist, researcher, advocate, and all around president of the “Noah corporation”. I’m learning a new language in hopes I will be able to break into my son’s world and let his voice out one way or the other. I’m so much more than I ever thought, or wanted, to be. I just want to put all those other roles away and just be Mom. Nothing else. I want to worry about the amount of food he is or isn’t eating and not panic about weight gain and the amount of…

  • 2012,  BabyA2012,  rants'r'us

    It’s starting

    I can already see it creeping up and is going to be on the brink of spiralling out of control. What is it you might ask. My frickin’ glucose levels! I remember the battle I had in T3 last time and I know it’s going to get there again but I’ve had such great control over my sugars until a couple weeks ago now. They were so consistent and awesome before but I was watching them creep up. There is nothing I could have done to stop it and I couldn’t counteract anything because the numbers were still within target, they were just slowly going higher and closer and closer to target…

  • 2011,  rants'r'us

    Control

    con·trol (kənˈtrōl) Noun: The power to influence or direct people’s behavior or the course of events. Verb: Determine the behavior or supervise the running of. Such a simple word. But right now it has been eluding me. It may be the first time I honestly feel like I have control of nothing. I know things, many things, have happened in my life that I have no control over but I’ve always still felt like I was in control. Or at the very least had some control of some aspect of my life. Well this week I have been struggling. Struggling with this idea of control. Trying to find it again in…

  • 2011,  rants'r'us

    Pet Peeve of Mine

    That I completely forgot about since I stopped working in a childcare setting. Gender specific toys. Especially ones that shouldn’t be gender specific. Toys are toys. Colours are colours. One doesn’t make a boy and one doesn’t make a girl. It really annoys me. I was reminded of this the other day when we decided we wanted to buy E a broom, dustpan set because he loves to sweep. He loves using our broom and dustpan and one day soon he’s going to knock something over and break it because our broom is so big for his little stature. The only set we could find was pink and in the…

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