• 2012

    Today is a hard day

    It’s been an ordinary day, not unlike any of the others in the past 3.5 months but today my grief metre filled and overflowed. I’m mentally exhausted. Physically exhausted. Emotionally broken. As I write this, this is my view: Laying broken on his bedroom floor staring at the basically life size photo his brothers require to have in here. The days where it all catches up is the worst. You think maybe, just maybe you can manage and then realize nope, not today. The toll this all has taken on our household is indescribable. My kids used to be so good with going to bed and sleeping. Not any more.…

  • 2012,  2018,  BabyA2012,  family

    I’m going to be raw here. My boys aren’t sleeping well. They are afraid to go to sleep. They are afraid they aren’t going to wake up. They need someone with them and even when they do manage sleep they are restless and frightened and sad. How do I comfort them and make them understand that sleep won’t hurt them when all they know is Noah went to sleep and never woke up?! My poor kids, who also loved Noah with every inch of their being, are struggling with managing emotions that I, as an adult can’t even comprehend and explain. This is the absolute worst pain I could feel…

  • 2012

    Finding my Village

    I don’t know how you do it. I couldn’t do what you do. You are so strong. Phrases I’ve heard a lot over my life, especially over the last 3 years. And I will counter with: “Do what?! Love my children? Do what’s best for my kids? Make sure my kids are happy, healthy, and have a roof over there head?” It’s the same thing the people who are telling me they don’t know how I do it, are doing. The exact same thing. I just may have a few different steps. “I’m not strong.” Let me tell you. Resilient? Yes, maybe. Strong? Meh. I can put up appearances and I’m good at…

  • 2012,  Quotes

    I Know Different

    “I Know Different by Tricia Proefrock Dear Mommy, I have felt your tears, falling on my face. Someone else might think they are tears of sadness, because of what I can’t do. I KNOW DIFFERENT. I know those tears pour from your heart out of gratitude for me, because of what I CAN do : I can love everyone in the purest form possible. Unconditionally. I can be judged, but will never judge in return. I know different because I feel, in your hugs and kisses, that I’m perfect just the way I am. I have seen you hang your head down in shame, when we go out on adventures. Someone else might…

Follow

Get every new post on this blog delivered to your Inbox.

Join other followers: