If I don’t get out of bed, can I avoid tomorrows?
So the hub-bub of the last few weeks has died down and now I wish it hadn’t.
It forces me to realize that there are only a few short days (1.5 actually) left to spend with my husband before he’s gone. 1.5 months until I see him again.
I can no longer pretend the move isn’t happening or that it is far off in the distance.
I haven’t been able to focus on the moving and leaving me behind in a place I don’t really want to be since we’ve been so busy. But now, it’s all encompassing. It’s all I can think about. It’s all I dread.
If I pretend that it’s last week, maybe Thursday morning will never come. Wouldn’t that be awesome. Stuck in suspended animation. I could go for that. No bills, just relive the same day over and over again…kind of like that dumb ass movie “Ground Hog Day”. I wouldn’t have to work and neither would John we’d just be able to hang out.
After weeks of being fine about the move, I’m now crying at the drop of a hat. I am petrified to be alone in Fredericton. I don’t want to. I know I have to and a month isn’t long at all in the grand scheme of things but it’s hard when I’m in a place that I dislike with no one familiar around at all.
Oh well. It’s only 1.5 months, I guess.
I’ll just have time to adjust to John being gone and I’ll be done work and crying for weeks on end because of all the goodbyes I’m going to be saying. It will be quite the mixed bag of emotions. Crying to be leaving people behind (well technically ahead since I’m going back in time by 3 hours) and excited to seeing John’s face the second I get out of the secure area. I hope he doesn’t forget to pick me up on time. That would really suck.
I’m sure I will be blogging more and calling people a lot more once again in the coming weeks. I am trying to book up weekends to give me things to look forward to. So far, so good. This coming weekend I’m spending with Peter and co. The weekend after that Carli and I are going to be completing our rapelling adventure at Cape Enrage (and maybe throw in a zipline or two). So one more weekend to plan while I live in Fredericton. The 2 after that are wide open (kind of)…I have plans just deciding who fits where. Those will be my last 2 in the Maritimes for a while so I certainly won’t be sticking around Fredericton past my 5:30 shift.
So I’m not so silently dreading Thursday morning. Take him to airport and drive away alone. It’s going to suck to say the least. Then I get to go back to work. At least the kids will make me feel better, they always do. I will sit waiting to hear from John about his safe arrivals in Montreal and then Calgary and then Medicine Hat.
Needless to say, I will be a wreck on Thursday.
Feel free to console me with candy and phone calls and Pictou County pizza or donairs. (lol)
I see my boy every six months if I’m lucky… it’s tough, but we know the end goal is there.
Spend the next month and a half working on yourself… take long baths, create meal plans, read books you’ve put off reading… the time you have to just “be” is sometimes a gift.
Goodbyes are always hard… but remember, you’re making a big step with your life partner, so you are never alone.
aww laura, i know how you feel i go through that every 5 weeks when chris leaves, now it will be harder when i am in nfld…i wish that i would have more time to see you but its time to move on….dont cry u will be together soon and will be worth it in the end..u have my cell # if u ever want to talk you know i am up for long chats and i will need some encouraging words too :$
I’m unemployed and a short hour away (with the new highway) oh and if you have the desire to wander to my crap town, not have us come to you, mommy makes the best brown bread 🙂