2018,  BabyA2012,  family,  Grieving Mom

May 31st, 2018

The last day of my old life.

The day couldn’t have been more ordinary but extraordinary at the same time.

Turns out it was Noah’s last day.

I don’t even know how on earth I am typing those words. I honestly didn’t think it would be me. Noah was healthy. He was strong. He was happy. He was a troublemaker. He was amazing. And this day was no different. I’ve been replaying that day over and over in my mind. It is forever etched in there.

This will be a pretty mundane post but I need to put words down of Noah’s last 24 hours before I start forgetting. I know I’m not going to remember everything even though I’m going to try my damnedest so I’m going to have to start writing all the things down.

Our final 24 hours as a family of 6. 24 hours and everything changed in an instant.

7-something am: John got up first (well, after Elijah and Oliver) and got ready for the day. He got Noah’s pump ready and then went to help get Noah ready for school while I read the news. Once the kids were at the table and Noah was plugged in came the lunch time rush. John preparing and me putting into lunch kits and into backpacks.

7:50am: John left for work to a chorus of “bye Dads” and kisses and hugs. He never left without giving every one a hug and kiss and them all yelling “Love you Dad. Love you.” I remember Noah yelling out “Have a day!” just as the door was closing which meant “have a great day”. Something we always say to the kids as they leave. We watched PJ Masks until it was almost bus time and then we went outside.

8:10am: I let go of Noah’s hand and he did is thing and walked down the driveway. He just recently could walk up and down the incline on his own. A goal of mine I wasn’t sure when we would reach. Slow and steady. I got them loaded on to the bus by 8:15am. I gave our kisses and goodbyes and set out for the morning with Charlotte.

9:00am: It was gymnastics day so we went and did that and then did a Tim Hortons run for when Oliver got off the bus.

11:20am: Oliver gets dropped off at the end of the driveway. We cuddle on the couch and watch some Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.

12:15pm: Lunch time

1:00pm: Nap time. I spent those 2 hours securing my plans, making lists for the following day and cleaning as I was leaving for Ontario for a few days. It was going to be the first time since 2009 I travelled kid-less. It wasn’t going to be a happy trip but another Mom needed support so I was going.

3:10pm: John picked Noah up from school as he does every Tuesday and Thursday and brought him back home to me. We were told he had a great day at school!

3:15pm: It was time for Noah’s physical therapy appointment and let me tell you, I have never seen him so involved and willing to do tasks. He normally gives PT a hard time for something to do. But, that Thursday we’d ask him to do something and he’d do it and for those of you who know Noah, this is remarkable. He worked so hard. Pulling himself to stand in the middle of a room, walking on uneven surface, throwing at a target while unsupported, bear walking. You name it, he did it. His PTA and I could not stop raving and amazed at how far he’d come in such a short amount of time. I couldn’t stop raving when John came home either. I kept saying I’ve never seen him so sure and confident and strong and how I couldn’t wait for the summer because he met his goals and it was going to make going to the park so much easier. He was exploding.

5:30pm: Once they finished taking their turns and loving on John when he got home from work it was time to go upstairs for supper. While John was making supper, Noah was being so vocal and crazy. I sat there saying words and he’d parrot them all right back. It didn’t matter what the word was. I wanted to take out the camera to show Sandy, his SLP, but I was too afraid he’d stop and that would be the end of that so it’s only in our memories now. He was so happy sitting there and I’d tell him “you’re so silly” and he’d slap the table and say “you are silly” and we would all laugh. It was so clear and purposeful. We were all so proud and happy. Of course, he had his tickle fingers out all through supper and was tickling Elijah, which became his nightly supper routine.  Eli tried to be stern with him once but no one could not break a smile and laugh when he’d come at you with his palsy grin squealing “tickle tickle”. Gosh, he loved being Elijah’s brother and getting to sit beside him every meal.

7:00pm: After supper came bath time with Charlotte and Oliver. I was in their room while John bathed the 3 amigos and I could hear Noah squealing and laughing and splashing. He absolutely loved bath time. He loved having water dumped on his head. He loved throwing everything he shouldn’t out of the tub and making a huge mess. He loved splashing. Oliver got out first because he was requesting Mom cuddles so I crawled up into his bed while John bathed and got the other 2 ready. John got Noah ready for bed next and by the time he had Charlotte ready to get her PJs Noah stood up from where he was changed in the middle of the room, walked over and turned the light off and then walked over to his bed, grabbed alien and laid down. It was a busy day.

I stayed in the room for a while with Oliver (which I never do but it’s like Oliver knew I was going to be leaving the next day even though we hadn’t talked about it much as it gives him anxiety) and all I could hear was the jingle of alien with random squeals. Nothing out of the ordinary. Cuddle time was over and I step down to see that Noah had climbed up onto bed with Elijah and was bouncing on him squealing and loudly whispering “tickle tickle tickle” as he tried to wake his brother. Elijah can sleep through anything; even Noah jumping on his head and shoulders tickling him. So I scooped Noah up and put him back in his bed and said “you need to stop being a stinker and go to sleep” and he giggled at me, grabbed aliens (he had 5) and rolled over to go to sleep. <3

I went upstairs to pack for my trip and fell asleep curled around my suitcase while I waited for the dryer to finish. I woke up around 2:30am to go to bed properly and we could hear still his little snore.

7:14am: The minute our old world stopped….

One Comment

  • Lisa

    My sweet friend, Thank you for sharing his day with us. With the passing of time you won’t remember what time of day he giggled or conquered his tasks, you will always clearly hear his voice and feel his hugs. I love you so much.

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