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When is it too much?

Posted by on March 12, 2008

Disclaimer: This post is not in relation to John & I. People need not worry. It’s just things I’ve thought about throughout the years…

All people in relationships have that moment where they think, is it supposed to be like this? Is this too much work? Are we too different? Where is the line that marks an ok amount and too much?

There is no such thing as easy in an relationship. Sometimes it feels like it. Sometimes it looks like it. But what people don’t seem to realize is that it only looks easy because of the amount of work that goes into it. For instance, let’s think about this in hockey terms (one of my favourite subjects) Marty Brodeur makes being a goalie look easy. How? It’s obviously not because all the shots are easy and well-placed and he doesn’t have a horse-shoe growing out of his ass.  It’s because of the work he has done behind the scenes to improve his mobility and flexibility and positioning. It only looks easy because he’s done so much work and has so much experience that his positioning is almost always bang on. So enough with my analogies but that’s the best way I could describe it. I’m diehard what can I say!?

So here are my thoughts on when a relationship is too much.

It’s too much work when your safety is at risk.

It’s too much when your sanity is at risk.

It’s too much when there is abuse. Physical or emotional.

It’s too much when your (or his) trust is gone.

It’s too much when being faithful is just an after thought.

It’s too much when you don’t have the same ideas and practises in regards to money and children. And changing these will mean that you are changing yourself, your fundamentals, in essence losing a piece of yourself.

It’s too much if you lose yourself and can never find your way back.

It’s too much if your ‘want’ is outweighed by ‘need.’ You shouldn’t constantly need your partner, you should want. There is a difference. Think about it.

However, it’s not too much work to deal with the nitty gritty runnings of every day life. The routine. The rut. Splitting chores, fighting about pet peeves, learning on how to communicate effectively and constructively.

Some days you will ‘despise’ your significant other.

Somedays you will want to be anywhere but where you are.

Some days you might feel like giving up and walking out.

Some days you will wonder how you managed your life before meeting your partner.

So give yourself a break by thinking it should be easier than it is, so give your partner a break since they are going through the same thoughts and struggling to find the balance.

I would imagine that it is better to put up with all the annoyances than to sit home and deal with the silence once they are gone.

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