• 2018,  BabyA2012,  Grieving Mom

    Once upon a dream

    I know you, I walked with you once upon a dream I know you, that look in your eyes is so familiar a gleam And I know it’s true that visions are seldom all they seem But if I know you, I know what you’ll do You’ll love me at once, the way you did once upon a dream   This morning after your sister woke up at 5am, I went back to sleep and for the first time you came to me in my dream. It wasn’t until the end but we were living in Stellarton, my house was on the main street not far from where my Gram…

  • 2018,  BabyA2012,  Grieving Mom

    12 weeks

    It’s *only* been 12 weeks today. It feels like an eternity. We’ve been missing you more this week. It seems to be a common trend. Each week the pain, the grief, the missing you grows and grows. I think my mind is still trying to protect my heart from the reality of it all even though there is no escaping it. This has been the longest 12 weeks of my life. I’m dreading the back to school rush and excitement. I want to be taking your picture in front of our purple door and watch you excitedly go to school. I just still can’t comprehend you are gone. You should…

  • 2018,  Grieving Mom,  JAA,  reflection,  Relationships

    12 Years

    Yesterday marked 12 years since I walked down the aisle to the most amazing human I have the pleasure of spending my days with. It is the first year I didn’t make a publicly acknowledge or write a blog or do much of anything to say that it was our anniversary. Heck, privately we didn’t really acknowledge it either. We woke and said “happy anniversary” and then I apologized that I didn’t do anything this year. No card. No surprises. No plans. Nada. Nothing. John didn’t either. We were on the same page that this year luckily, we just didn’t feel like celebrating. And that is perfectly ok. Just a hug…

  • 2018,  BabyA2012,  Grieving Mom

    I don’t know

    I don’t know. I just don’t know. People asking how we are doing. And my answer is always I don’t know. Surviving. I have no idea how I’m doing. How John is doing. I really appreciate the people checking in but then I don’t know what to say and feel like a conversation killer. I can’t put into words how I am..how we are because there are none. Some days I feel like I’m not doing this right. Not that there is a right way. Although I guess if we through ourselves into drugs or something that would be the wrong way. We aren’t doing that. But, I just feel…

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