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Blah, blah, blah

Posted by on January 23, 2008

Ever feel insignificant or overlooked? Just plain out ignored. Like nobody bothers with you…out of sight, out of mind. That’s exactly how I feel sometimes. People don’t see us so people don’t bother with coming to visit or pick up the phone.

Life has gotten in the way.

More importantly, money has gotten in the way.

The almighty dollar.

I’ve honestly tried (believe it or not) to keep things open and free and fun but these things keep getting in the way. Just once, I wish I’d win the lottery so I can go where ever I want, see whoever I want, whenever I feel like it. It’s just not fair. Oh well, it’s life.

I honestly do miss. I will miss more shortly.

I am so confused. My body just keeps me on the verge of tears. So Goddamn emotional. Every little tv show, song, conversation that has me relate to my inner workings brings me to tears….or right on the brink.

I’m falling apart from the inside out. It’s like I’m going to implode. Things just aren’t balancing out right between work and home. I feel like I’m not performing at work because “my” kids are testing boundaries and going hyper-crazy-wild and I can’t seem to do anything about it. It came out of no where. It’s what kids do…test boundaries. But man, did they all have to do it at once.

Then this leads me to come home to a house that needs vaccuming and dishes done and supper made and I’m not doing a thing. I come home to unwind and debrief and by the time that’s done, John has done everything for me. Not that I’m ungrateful because I completely appreciate it with every inch of my being but it makes me feel like less. It’s not his fault, it’s not works fault, it’s mine. It’s my inabilities at the moment. All me.

I just have so much wanting to come out but I don’t know what it is, I just feel it bubbling just under the surface. It’s rather ominous.

So there it is folks.  I’m going crazy! LOL

Give me a few and it’ll pass and things will all be back to normal.

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