2012,  reflection

Bravest Thing

The prompt for November 13th was: What’s the bravest thing you’ve done?

That question happened to fall on the day I was facing the biggest decision about my son’s medical care that I have ever faced. I just couldn’t get my thoughts to come together over that day, and the one after, to make a coherent post. I will now. I have time to reflect back and relax since we are home.

Before that day, I didn’t know what I would have answered. Brave is a big strong word.

There are many things I’ve done that I’m proud of and glad I overcame. For instance, childbirth. I don’t think that falls under the bravest thing because honestly to be brave you have to make a choice, follow through and stand up for something or find the strength within yourself. Childbirth isn’t something you can skip over even if you are more scared than anything you’ve ever been in your life. That child is going to be born. Childbirth is a different kind of brave.

Another thing was leaving all my family, friends, and country to travel around Great Britain for a summer when I was 17. I was all alone and knew no one. But I did it and loved every minute of it!

I typically won’t speak up for myself if my life depended on it. Case en pointe, a night or two before when I was talking to a nurse about Noah’s feeds and getting them back to his normal she wouldn’t listen. I pleaded the case. She kept ignoring or deferring me or defending why it is the way it is. I eventually retreated back and just welled back and called J to see what I had done wrong.

But then Tuesday came. I became someone else. I have severe social anxiety but I put that on the back burner and completely ignored my nerves. I picked up the phone and called people I’ve never met. I sent emails and messages to people I’ve never met. For those who know me well, know that I will even avoid calling to order my own pizza if I can help it, let alone a complete stranger for advice. I became an informed Mama Bear who was about to face the biggest “fight” in her life.

**note: Something happened when this post uploaded and the rest of my post, along with editing and rewording is gone. Ugh.


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