I am his home base and he is mine.
I was his refuge, his warmth, his food. I was all he knew.
Slowly he became comfortable enough to crawl or walk away, but always with a glance back.
Now he runs and hides but always sneaks a peek. (I pretend I don’t notice sometimes. Others I flash him a big grin)
He has become my refuge, warmth, and food for my soul.
He may not say “Mom” very often or all that clearly but when he does. I melt. Like this afternoon.
He woke early from nap and we thought he may go back so I grabbed him, his blankets and we snuggled down into our rocking chair.
We snuggled and giggled and cuddled.
Each little peck on his cheek or ear would cause his laughter and my heart and eyes to fill with love and pride.
Laying there in the dark with his big baby blues staring at me. I know it won’t be like this for much longer. Soon he’ll be too big and not want to cuddle in the rocking chair. I breathe all these moments in.
He reaches up and grabs my face and tilts it down to his for a kiss or to give me an “Eskimo kiss”. Other times he’d grab my arms and wrap them around him in a tight hug. Always followed by a giggle and looking at me with his big baby blues.
When he’s really tired and I’m wearing a hoodie or robe, like today, he always opens it to lay on chest and listen to my heart. The first sound he ever heard. It still comforts him and his rhythmic breathing on my chest comforts me.
I lean down and give him a kiss and whisper I love you.
He looks up at me, opens my hoodie back up and rubs right where my heart is and says “Mom” (clearest he’s ever said it) and lays his head back down with a sigh.
Then like every other busy boy, I see he’s not going to go back to sleep so I ask him if he wants to go play. He shoots his head up and and shakes his head and jumps off my lap. Back to the busy life of a toddler boy. It was beautiful while those 15 min lasted and as much as I wanted to, I knew he wanted to play but humours me and I know it won’t be much longer until he’s talking and begging to go play so I’ll enjoy and take each of these fleeting moments with me.