I want to be Mom
and only Mom.
I forget how to be “Mom” now.
I’m a physical therapist, speech language pathologist, vision therapist, occupational therapist, researcher, advocate, and all around president of the “Noah corporation”. I’m learning a new language in hopes I will be able to break into my son’s world and let his voice out one way or the other. I’m so much more than I ever thought, or wanted, to be.
I just want to put all those other roles away and just be Mom. Nothing else.
I want to worry about the amount of food he is or isn’t eating and not panic about weight gain and the amount of calories he must ingest. I want to worry about him climbing up onto things and getting into trouble. I want to worry about him walking (or crawling) out the door. I want to worry about his naps, or lack their of. I want to worry that he’s “only” babbling and not saying words. I want to worry that he’s growing up too fast.
But I can’t.
There are bigger fish to fry. Bigger, scarier fish. And it sucks.
I can understand why you have times that you feel this way and justifiably so but you are doing a great job (and so is John). Draw from your inner strength which I know you have lots of even if you feel you don’t sometimes. Also draw strength from those around you that love and care about you and of which you are well aware that I am definitely one of and am only a phone call or a message away (wishing we lived closer as usual). Keep doing the great job you are doing with both boys and I hope and pray that things will get easier as time goes on. Love you lots, Mom
Being Mom is a lifetime job. You have to give Noah time to get you trained!