It’s just never been my thing.
Could be because my Mom didn’t care for Hallowe’en. Could be because I didn’t like the whole trick or treating thing because I was shy. All I know is that I wasn’t a big fan.
And today is NO exception.
Possibly one of the worst on record for a long time.
I had a horrible busy day at work. Shit didn’t come together as I had hoped after work and things are definitely NOT how I pictured them now. I’m sitting all by lonesome in this strange, violent city while my friends are either home in the Atlantic Provinces, at a house party here in Calgary or gone to a bar.
It’s nights like this that I’m homesick. I want to be where people are. People who care about me and laugh with me and just let me be me. I want to not be sitting here alone in silence with no wheels at 10pm at night. Hallowe’en night at that. God I’m a loser. I’m not even at home sitting aorund doing nothing I’m at someone else’s place. Bah. I can’t even work on putting pictures up because they are all on my computer back at our place.
It’s the first time in MONTHS I’ve been able to feel fully alone and I hate it. It depresses me. It makes me realize how much I may not want to be where I am. It makes me go crazy.
I’m so damn tired I can’t even keep my eyes open. What kind of vitamins or something am I missing that work tires me out so much that I am unable to function at the end of the day. Again, I’m a dork.
I want to be out having fun but something is holding me back. Making me it back and reflect. My imagination gets away from me every now and then and it’s freaky. But that is all a part of Hallowe’en I guess.
But really I have no one to blame but myself I guess. I stuck to my guns and didn’t do something I didn’t want to do. I guess that’s a plus. One of the few from this evening. Maybe I’ll be rested in the morning and will be able to stay up past 10 tomorrow. God that makes me sound so old.
If I could get msn to work on the Mac I’d be online to talk to people but all I got is this and an internet browser so “the book” it is. Stalking people online or something. Again, I sound like such a winner. Gah.
Hallowe’en has never been my thing.