In the past almost 3 months, I’ve learned more about the medical system than I ever cared to know. I know so many procedures, abbreviations, big fancy-smanchy words I never dreamed of knowing. Let alone being able to spell them. This has been intense crash course in life and brought a whole new level to motherhood.
But one thing I must admit I hate is the wording medical and non-medical people alike use when describing babies that aren’t ‘typical.’ Words such as wrong, ideal, normal, the dreaded “r” word, and the list could go.
There is nothing “wrong” with my littlest man. He is exactly how he was made. He may not be typical, but there is nothing worse than someone saying a “normal baby”, implying my son is abnormal. He’s not. He is who he is and he’s going to shock and awe the world. Just you wait and see. Same with the term “ideal baby.” He is perfect. Absolute perfection if I may be so bold.
He may not be typical but he is still a baby first. He is not defined by his syndrome. Yes, it’s a part of him and who he is and who he will be but it’s not him. He is still just a baby who has some extra challenges he’ll need to overcome. He wants to feel loved and feel attachment and feel safe just like any other baby.
So please, don’t ask me what’s “wrong” with my son. There’s nothing “wrong” and don’t be surprised if you get a snarky “what is wrong with you?” in return as I turn to walk away.
I’d say everything went right because we had a 0.0001 chance of never meeting N, of never being able to hold this little man who loves to cuddle and brings so much joy to us and his older brother. Don’t get me wrong. It’s hard and I would give anything to take these challenges away for him but I can’t. I can’t constantly focus on the “what-ifs” or I’d go crazy. I definitely have moments where the tears break through and sadness creeps in but those times are getting further and further apart. It doesn’t change how much I love him. It just changes how I will have to care for him.
So let’s think about those odds again. I had a 99.9999% chance of never meeting this beautiful little boy. I couldn’t imagine my life without him in it. Extra appointments, challenges, fancy-schmancy medical terms, and all. Above all else, he is my beautiful son who is going to shock and awe the world. Mark my words he will.