Still not feeling like myself.
I don’t know what it is, what is missing, what is making me feel “different”. But there is something. It’s nagging too.
Could it be the winter pudge? Oh I love the annual winter insulation…not. However, it’s usually something I pay no mind to because I lose it in the summer. Well, I didn’t lose last winter’s insulation over the summer so it’s double time. I’m even eating healthier and exercising. So WTF is going on!? (lol)
I should just go back to eating crap and being completely lazy and see where that takes me. :p
It’s almost like I’m in a daze. It’s almost like high school all over again in that it feels like I’m trying to figure myself out. But damn it, I know who I am and what I want and need to be doing.
So why this insecure feeling?
If someone could answer that for me I’d be eternally grateful. Even more so if you can tell me how to get rid of it.
I feel wide open and scrutinized. It’s mainly from myself, which isn’t cool, because John is trying his best to help me get over this. I don’t like feeling judged.
Being isolated in Fredericton this year is different. I’m not sure why. I’m just glad that I love my job because right now, that is what is keeping me sane. Or maybe insane…but whatever it is, it’s a grounding feeling.
I didn’t think I’d miss my daily/weekly conversations and drinks and trips to the mall/McD’s as much as I do. It’s not a conscious thought but I just do. I know it. It was cathartic for me…not to mention, a lot of fun! Crying to the Notebook just isn’t the same alone. Neither is watching Amityville or Jaws. (lol)
So there ya have it folks. It’s out there. I feel like crap on the inside. There I’ve said it. Out there for the whole world to see.
Maybe, just maybe, Christmas will be just what I need to feel like “Laura Jean” again….