• 2015,  BabyA2012,  Pics,  reflection

    Motherhood

    3 years ago I took this photo. It turned out to be my most favourite photo I’ve ever taken. It’s a day I’ll never forget. I was past my original due date and I was still in the hospital hoping and praying I’d be home sooner than later. I was done with this surprise. I was done being separated from my family. I was done pumping behind a curtain. I was done having nurses, Doctors, residents, therapists, social workers coming through the door interrupting a nap/a phone call/lunch/cuddle time/a rare quiet “me” moment. I was done. All I wanted was to cuddle my newest son and be left the frick alone.…

  • 2015,  BabyA2012,  reflection

    Forever Changed

    Today used to be a day of anticipation because I love birthday cake and well, tomorrow is my birthday. But 3 years ago these days changed forever for me and I’ll never forget. It was beautiful and sunny and warm, much like it is today. We opted to have a family dinner with Elijah and afterwards John would change the tires on the car. We never missed a feed for Noah during the day. NEVER. One of us was always there, except for the 3am feed. We took that one off in hopes of getting some rest. Well wouldn’t you know, just as John has the tires half way changed…

  • 2014,  reflection

    My Mom

    My world stopped when I got the call from my broken-hearted brother that I should get home as soon as I possibly could. It was the call I was dreading for days, but somehow suspected was coming. I got a flight that night (thanks to the most amazing WestJet employee who, after 1.5 hours, managed to find me a way out of Calgary) and got to my Mom’s side as quick as I could. I held her hand. I introduced her to Oliver and he held her fingers. And I talked, or rather mumbled and blubbered, and sat in silence with my brothers waiting on a miracle that never came.…

  • 2013,  BabyA2014,  reflection

    Am I Scared? Yes. But I am happy.

    We have sat on this new family development longer than we have with any of our other boys. But, this time feels different. I lost something in my last pregnancy and months after that I can never get back. Innocence. I will admit, I was scared when we decided we did want another child and am scared of what the future might hold, but I’m trying not to let that rule the roost. That is easier said than done but I’m trying. There are times I wonder what on Earth were we thinking and other times I worry about the health of this baby. I know, every parent does but…

  • 2013,  reflection

    PTSD ?

    PTSD. Something can be said for all we’ve gone through. It’s given me severe anxiety in certain situations. It doesn’t take much to make me flashback. There’s the smell that is in the MH NICU. Well that whole wing. Since the entrance shares the hallway to L&D it has a smell and atmosphere all to it’s own. It instantly can throw me back into one of the darkest times in my life and make me an emotional mess. There are certain wings and rooms in ACH that does the same. Even certain Doctors. There are deodorants, soaps, hand sanitizers, and even certain food & drinks that make me relive it all. It…

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