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Dear 18 year old me
Hi, it’s me. Laura. I’m now 26 years old…almost 27 and I felt that I needed, or you rather you needed, this letter. And no, I do not have kids. 26/27 is too early. I know what you always thought but frig, it’s too early. Bump up your “goals” by a few years. I wanted to give you some info or heads up about things you aren’t even aware of yet. But rest assured, it is me and I can prove it in 3 words. Dick and Pinky. So there that proves it, only Carli will remember what in the blue Hell I’m talking about. And for all the others…
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Where have I gone?
Still not feeling like myself. I don’t know what it is, what is missing, what is making me feel “different”. But there is something. It’s nagging too. Could it be the winter pudge? Oh I love the annual winter insulation…not. However, it’s usually something I pay no mind to because I lose it in the summer. Well, I didn’t lose last winter’s insulation over the summer so it’s double time. I’m even eating healthier and exercising. So WTF is going on!? (lol) I should just go back to eating crap and being completely lazy and see where that takes me. :p It’s almost like I’m in a daze. It’s almost…
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In a slump ?????
Why? Not sure. Just am. Or am I? You can’t tell on the outside, but I feel it. I think. I’m loving work. I’m loving the kids. I’m liking where we are right now. But something is lacking. I lost a fire. I’m feeling very unproductive at home. I’m not feeling like “me”. I’m not being the person, the wife, the daughter, the sister, the friend I’ve always been/I want to be. I have no idea why. I’m constantly tired. I feel withdrawn and alone up here. Yes, before I get flamed I have John and he’s awesome, nothing has changed there but I can still feel alone. He’s busy…
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Saturday
Whoever said Saturdays aren’t meant to be productive must not know what they are talking about. Ok, if someone took a look at my day it wouldn’t look overly productive. But it was. I learned a lot today. I learned that my cold has moved to my eye. I learned that I have little to no patience this weekend. I learned that I (we) are not ready for children. Not by a long shot. It actually makes me feel better. We have been worrying about not being able to afford kids and whatnot then I go out in public where there are kids EVERYWHERE. And I’m not ready to have…
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I wonder….I wonder…
Can we ever be grown ups? Is there such a thing? Do we ever reach adulthood? Can we ever reach adulthood? Everyone keeps talking about this almost mystical future of adulthood. It doesn’t feel any different than my late teens/early twenties so I must not be there yet. I don’t like to eat the crust on bread. I don’t care for vegetables. Milk is my favourite beverage. I’m picky. Heck, how can we call ourselves adults when we still take naps (or want to take naps). We throw tantrums when things don’t go our way. We still cry for our parents when feeling sad or hurt. We whine. We aren’t…