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May 31st, 2018
The last day of my old life. The day couldn’t have been more ordinary but extraordinary at the same time. Turns out it was Noah’s last day. I don’t even know how on earth I am typing those words. I honestly didn’t think it would be me. Noah was healthy. He was strong. He was happy. He was a troublemaker. He was amazing. And this day was no different. I’ve been replaying that day over and over in my mind. It is forever etched in there. This will be a pretty mundane post but I need to put words down of Noah’s last 24 hours before I start forgetting. I know I’m not going to remember…
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E’s words for Noah
Saying Elijah is devastated is an understatement but he is so strong. He was determined to read the words he wrote in front of every one. Here are the beautiful words he wrote for his brother. We will always remember you Noah. You will always be in our hearts. And we will always think of you every day and every night. You were always so funny. We all loved your toys and watching you play with your toys, especially alien. We liked the library books you picked and we will always love you forever in our hearts. I loved sitting beside you at supper, lunch, and breakfast. I loved how…
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My words for Noah
I could have written for hours. For days. There was so much I could say and that I wanted to say but I settled for what I needed to say. I wish I could have read these words out loud myself but most of the time now I can’t even open my mouth to speak. The tears just flow. My eyes hopefully telling every one what I want to be saying when my actual words are failing. Sorrow. Torment. Love. Thank you. One week ago today I was crawling out of bed to start our usual morning routine when everything came shattering down around us. I still don’t think it…
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Overwhelmed
The word of the day is overwhelmed. Overwhelmed with emotional torture. Overwhelmed with the physical pain. Overwhelmed with the support. Overwhelmed with love. Overwhelmed with life today.
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I’m going to be raw here. My boys aren’t sleeping well. They are afraid to go to sleep. They are afraid they aren’t going to wake up. They need someone with them and even when they do manage sleep they are restless and frightened and sad. How do I comfort them and make them understand that sleep won’t hurt them when all they know is Noah went to sleep and never woke up?! My poor kids, who also loved Noah with every inch of their being, are struggling with managing emotions that I, as an adult can’t even comprehend and explain. This is the absolute worst pain I could feel…